hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
