she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
