CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
