If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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