do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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