That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
