two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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