i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
