Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
