If i come over, it means nothing
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
