I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
