VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
