We're like a lot better than the average bears
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
