that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
