some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
