You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
