1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
