I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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