i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You can't special order awesome
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
