walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
operation harelip BJ is a go
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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