Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
