so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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