Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
