toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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