I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
