you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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