I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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