so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
