i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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