Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
