Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
