I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
