tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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