After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
