it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
God, I missed his penis.
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