'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
