go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
