I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Farmville is her only friend.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
