Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
