I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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