Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
