I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
