she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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