Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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