It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
