Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
