I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
