we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
