Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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