Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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