airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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