I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
