Everything about him screamed your future.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
