i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
